Experiencing complete detachment
The experience I’m going to tell you aboout now happened during a 10-day intensive meditation period. At that time I would commit myself to doing nothing but self-inquire and meditate.
As opposed to the experience of God, this one happened when I was just going about my daily business and had no intentions of going deeper. It just happened very spontaneously upon wondering who it is that feels so affected.
I think people would call this a Satori or awakening experience.
If you want to read more about the nature of these experiences of a deepening awareness, I suggest you check out my article “The true nature of meditation experiences.”
Now let’s start.
The experience
If I remember correctly, I was already 7 or 8 days into my 10-day meditation retreat when it happened.
This experience did not come during any kind of conscious meditative “effort” — that is, I did not set out particularly to go deeper into myself when it happened.
It simply occurred spontaneously during lunch.
Because of my intense meditations, contemplations and self-reflections throughout these days I constantly felt this strong, yet soothing energy at my mid-eyebrow point (the third-eye) for about 80% of the day.
And so also during lunch.
For me, lunch was more of a relaxing time. So I went back to what felt familiar and comfortable — and that is personal identity.
Usually it is like this, anyway, I always go back to personal identity — I forget myself, until my intelligence reminds to come out this state back into the light, which is pure knowledge and information.
So also during lunch I slipped back into habits: Thinking and self-consideration.
I entertained it for a while until, finally, it became too unbearable and I could not stand it any longer.
My intelligence had reminded me to come out of this.
So I self inquired a little just while having lunch very casually:
“Who really is so annoyed anyway? Who is this discontent for?”,
and tried to find this one that is so conflicted.
But suddenly things seemed to drift off and slip away from me.
It’s not that anything in particular disappeared, but suddenly my attachment was completely lifted.
My personal identity vanished in an instant.
I did not exist as the one who had to come out of any state anymore.
I just disappeared and vanished into nothing, never to be seen again and never even real in the first place.
Just the utter unreality of it all became so clear.
My mind was amazed at what was happening and could not believe it. My thoughts were still there, going:
“Is this really happening? But who am I?”,
but no attachment.
These thoughts found no landing place.
It’s like my mind was still playing, still seeing if it could get me somehow— but the idea of a ‘me’ had completely dropped away as illusory.
It’s like as soon as these thoughts appeared, they got cast away immediately. Nothing could stick.
I remained completely unaffected, but something somehow still continued eating, and something somehow still continued being amazed at what was happening, and still continued observing the amazement even — but none of that was me.
It was just a play.
Then I realized that even this energy between my eyebrows, which I had felt the entire time and became so familiar, did not belong to me.
I couldn’t say who it was there for even, but it was not me.
Can you imagine? How intimate such a thing as your own body and still no sense of any belonging there.
Then I saw the hilarity of it all, and “the Buddha’s laughter” arose in me.
But also it could not stick!
Which made it even funnier.
At this point I was actually laughing like an endlessly happy madman having lunch next to some strangers.
Nothing stick, everything just come and go, and I was completely and totally free.
It’s like I existed in another realm entirely.
Not bound by my body, by any idea or anything or even by any reaction to anything. I remained in total and complete serenity.
What happened next I don’t remember, just that somehow this state got covered over and was “lost” to me. What do you know? Keep quiet.
Closing words
So that was the experience.
I want to give you one last, short analogy for conveying the profundity of this experience, so that you can grasp what this utter and complete “unaffactedness” really is like should it ever occur to you:
Imagine you are watching a movie in the cinema, and on the screen many things are happening: there may be explosions, romantic love scenes, homicides, scary moments, close calls and the main character dies even.
But throughout all that you realize you are none of those — not even the main charater of the play.
Instead, you realize you are merely the screen, which everything is projected on, and you could not care any less how many explosions or happenings there are.
You don’t condemn them, but they do not affect you.
Even if the main character died and the movie ended, still you are only here as the screen, or the ultimate perceiver of all esle — and a new movie can arise.
You don’t take part in any of them, yet without you, none of them could take place.
Thank you for reading.
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